her

perhaps i should include happy things in this blog. i'm a bit crazy lol

today we'll be celebrating my niece's 1ST BIRTHDAY! hahah
even b4 turning 1 she has been very 'manja' and naughty >.<

anyway she's stil my cute niece. lolx



i've been drooling over guys LOL hahahah
yesterday went to help out for the street soccer tournament in school with kerren.
saw this cute guy..ok. i admit i have something for 'small eyes' guys. but i dont even know why lol hahah

yesterday in skol i saw one..he was wearing cap. then he came to our table for registration. then when both looked up we had direct contact on the eyes LOL hahah
i think i watched too much taiwan drama series already.lol
lately i have been watching 'dou niu yao bu yao' (bull fighting) taiwan series..kinda long le but i love that so much!!! haha

then last night when i'm out with my 2nd sis to paragon with her frens.. i saw another small eyes cute guy. lol we were at the section where they sell the facial cleansers etc..usually the promoters are girls but i saw one guy..which i think is kinda rare.
he has good skin.. fair..and has small eyes! hahaha lolx

then we were at another booth beside him..then i looked at him once and found him looking at me as well..direct eye contact again.. then we were looking at the products..then i peeped at him a few times and found him looking at me as well..WALAO SO THE PAISEH CAN?! lolx we had direct contacts for a few times..haha sometimes i was like..walking walking then i jus turned my head to the direction of his booth and he was looking at me..i was like..sHIITttt (shy!! man!!)

after we left, i msg my fren and told her..she said she has been drooling over guys too haha too much drama series also lol (she's mike he's fan! so am i !!) and she said it's ok to look at cute guys..lol ya bah guys can look at sui chabos why girls cant look at cute guys then? ahah it's not like we dont allow our bf to do that LOL haha

anyway that's it lor.. nothing special..haha i'm now rotting at home..thinking of the $$ thing and also getting a job thing..hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..

something to say..

last few days..was kinda unhappy..suddenly i feel like i'm not myself..i cant feel myself doing things which i was doing..i feel my soul incomplete..i'm doing things numbly..i feel like anytime i could hit by a car without feeling the pain...

i was really..bad.
never change
i'm not a good daughter..family always criticize me..i care frens more than family.. they're right..but i jus dono why i acted that way..it's already a habit..
i'm not a good gf..i am very selfish..i only think of myself ..i never think of his feeling..perhaps i only love myself..i dono..i'm bad..very bad..
how do frens feel of me? how do i feel of my frens? i dono..perhaps i have done things which i shouldn't..i hurt people..and hurts myself..

that day..this keeps repeating in my mind:
i am living in a shell
as if i were living in a life of hell
sheltering under the roof of jail
struggling as the life of snail

i am crazy.. i was never normal..i was not crazy..i am always crazy.

well..tomoro back brunei already..must must must.......do something RIGHT..cos bf always said i keep doing mistakes..and always done something WRONG..hate myself =(